chistes de humor negro Life can be a real challenge at times, and during those times you may have to laugh, even if it means getting a little dark. While these may not be the best jokes to tell your mother-in-law or your boss, it’s okay to laugh at them alone or even with a few like-minded friends. Dark jokes aren’t for everyone, but laughing at dark jokes could mean that you’re a genius. Genius or not, there’s nothing wrong with letting off steam on the toughest days with some black humor. If you’re looking for jokes to make the whole room laugh, try these counter jokes, bad jokes, and short jokes that are easy to remember.
1. I have no carbon footprint.
I just drive everywhere.
2. The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They are always so twisted.
3. When we were children, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us fear the light!
4. What did the asteroid say that killed the dinosaurs?
«T. rex, I’m going for my hug!»
5. An apple a day keeps the doctor away …
Or at least it does if you throw hard enough.
6. I have a ladder because my royal flush left when I was just a kid.
7. I visited my friend at his new home. He told me to make me feel at home.
So I threw it out. I hate having visitors.
8. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, «Let’s make this interesting.»
Then we stop playing chess.
9. Why did Mozart hate all his chickens?
When he asked them who the best songwriter was, they all replied, «Bach,, Bach
10. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still doesn’t speak to me.
Are you feeling cheesy? Try these cheesy jokes that will make everyone laugh while rolling their eyes.
11. Patient: Oh doctor, I am so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
12. I just received the test results from my doctor and I am really upset. Turns out I’m not going to be a doctor.
13. Never break someone’s heart. They only have one.
Instead, break their bones. They have 206 of them.
14. My husband is angry because I have no sense of direction.
So I packed my things and voila.
15. I child-proofed my house
. Somehow they still got in!
16. The guy who stole my journal just died. My thoughts are with his family.
17. What’s worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm?
Biting an apple and discovering half a worm.
18. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Perhaps a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
19. My wife told me that she will bang my head on the keyboard if I don’t put down the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she is jokindkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf
20. You are not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.
Take a look at these «what do you call» jokes that will definitely make you laugh.
21. A man enters a magical forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. «You can’t cut me down,» complains the tree. «I am a talking tree!» The man responds: «You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.»
22. What is a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
None. Historians have suggested that most pirates would have been illiterate.
23. “Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. It’s good to see so many new faces here today! «
24. My wife left a note on the refrigerator that said, «This doesn’t work.» I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the refrigerator door and it is working fine!
25. What is the last thing that goes through the head of a fly when it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour? His butt.
26. My boss told me to have a nice day.
So I went home.
27. A boy determined to burn down his house. His father looked up with tears in his eyes. He put his arm over the mother and said, «That’s arson.»
28. Imagine when you walk into a bar and there is a long line of people ready to beat you up. That is the joke.
29. Wife: «I want another baby.»
Husband: «It’s a relief, I don’t like this one either.»
30. «What’s your name, son?» The principal asked his student. The boy replied, «Ddd-dav-dav-david, sir.» «Do you have a stutter?» asked the director. The student replied, «No sir, my dad stutters, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.»
31. My favorite movie is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted backstory.
32. Why do friends look so much like snow?
If you pee them, they disappear.
33. I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
Now I live in constant fear.
34. A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she is dating someone. It is terrible news or great news.
35. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I do not find it cute or romantic.
I find it strange how many people carry knives on dates.
If you need a quick joke to pull out of your pocket at the next party, don’t miss out on the funniest phrases.
36. Why do skeletons never go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
37. My boss told me, «You are the worst train conductor ever. How many have you derailed this year?»
I said, «I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.»